With the Democratic Party debate tonight, I'm wondering if it's too late to toss my hat into the ring.

My candidacy represents a bridging of generations between Generation X, Y, Z and the digital natives.  I offer a regional blend of Mid-western pronunciations, a regular bandying about of the New England modifier "wicked," and an abiding comfort with the Southern contraction "y'all."  I was raised super Catholic but converted to Protestantism. So I've got a few sacraments under my belt, will happily place my hand on "a stack of Bibles," and have plenty of Muslim, atheist, and rabbinical pals.  I'm married to a Canadian-Korean, so you can trust the White House would be the raddest melting pot full of kimchi potato stew you could imagine. I'll be running on the following platform:

- To adopt the Spanish siesta as a nationwide habit

- To eradicate the use of apostrophes when trying to pluralize words - To retain the separation of church and state but to promote single stream recycling programs - To promote the use of the handy can of Spray Starch you reach for when a burglar enters your home as the only legal weapon

- To enact Stevie Wonder's birthday as a national holiday for Motown-inspired song and for just calling to say I love you. - To require all schools to have hypoallergenic therapy dogs, especially for the teaching staff - To enact an exorbitant tax on abusers of handicapped parking spaces and drivers who hog the passing lane while talking on their phones - To require 300 hours of community service for anyone who mistreats school crossing guards, the elderly, the physically or mentally disabled, and the homeless - To incentivize millennials to have face-to-face conversations - To encourage more United States of Awesomeness