2016 recap

I like the rhythm of asking myself the same questions over and over again, so here's the survey I usually do at EOY. 1. What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before? The two biggest newnesses were: a.) Starting a new job in marketing at a private school. b.) Spending Thanksgiving at Tybee.

Also memorable this past year were: Surprising my old man upon his reception of the Bellarmine Award. Watching Loverpants get sworn in as an American citizen Watching my brother-in-law get remarried in a beautiful garden wedding. Taking a couple of weeks to see my parents this summer, just the kids and I. Reconnecting with my cousin Carrie and sharing in the joy of her pregnancy.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I tried so hard to focus on nutrition and staying injury free. I fully embraced cold-pressed juice as part of my lifestyle and I did pretty well to stay injury free. I ran 2 5ks (one in TN, one in GA). I am still overweight but I can't let myself get too sad about it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Congrazzles to Carrie on welcoming Murphy Sloane! #birfmurph Totally enamored of little Nika Joy, too, the daughter of my friend Kessia Reyne.

4. Did anyone close to you die? I'm extra grateful to answer no this year.

5. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016? Time to write, write, write for pleasure.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Opening my Etsy shop. It has connected me meaningfully to a craft that I enjoy and to a community that uplifts me + other makers.

7. What was your biggest failure? My book deal fell apart after a year of working and waiting. I see it as a failure of a small publisher that bit off more than it could chew. I suppose I failed to pursue other avenues but I can't change what I didn't know.

8. Did you suffer illness or injury? Earlier in the year, I spent a lot of time at the acupuncturist for a foot injury. Good times.

9. What was the best thing you bought? I purchased a student membership to the Modern Calligraphy Summit. Game changer.

10. What did you get really excited about? I thought the DNC was a remarkable showcase of the Democratic party's strength. Loved speeches by my future BFF Michelle Obama, former Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm. Also was surprised by "Stranger Things" on Netflix.

11. What was the best book you read this year? Fiction: Peace Like a River, Eligible: A modern retelling of Pride and Prejudice Non-Fiction: Loitering: New and Collected Essays, Falling Free: Rescued from the Life I Always Wanted

12. Compared to this time last year, are you: – happier or sadder? I have a lot to be happy about – thinner or fatter? Fatter – richer or poorer? Paid down some debt, so...woop!

13. What was your favorite TV program? This is Us Stranger Things

14. What was your favorite music from this year? https://affiliate-program.amazon.com/home/productlinks/customize?asin=B00U0YD5L2&request_source=quicklinks&subflow=sp_ The Hamilton Mixtape (Edited) CAN'T STOP THE FEELING! (Original Song From DreamWorks Animation's ''Trolls'')

15. What were your favorite films of the year? Really wasn't able to catch as many films as we would have liked. I know we saw "Race" in the theater. I think "13th" on Netflix should be required viewing for every American. Zootopia was important.

16. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? On my 36th birthday, I had a great weekend. My hubby got me some wonderful books and took the kids and me to a new favorite for brunch.

17. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016. The depths to which people are capable of furthering evil are staggering, but not as great as they are able to achieve reconciliation. And that's beautiful to me.

On buying a pee stick or three at the Dollar Store

I parked next to the Dollar Store in the less-densely packed parking area because I like 90 degree angles and the other spots had those 45 degree angled spots that you need a protractor in order to fit properly. Don't look at me like that. In the process, I learned that the shady area next to the Dollar Store is also the official make-out spot of my municipality.

Ironic since that's the kind of trouble that probably got me into this mess.

Ohhh ho ho ho. I kid.

C'mon. A Dollar Store parking lot? We are more caviar than that.

We are Publix kind of people.

Anyway. Of course I was going to the Dollar Store to buy the pregnancy test because even though there are goalies in place, you can never be too sure. You would think someone who cares so much about 90 degree angles would probably have spreadsheets of her menstrual cycle (stop gagging and grow up or I'll put you in a binder full of women) but I work in a place among some 650 uteri. Every month is a new adventure with new ovarian tales to tell. Also, it is well-documented that you can still get a false positive if you are one of the very lucky, which I am.

via GIPHY

I later regaled my husband with this, the evidence of heavy petting in cars outside the store that sells the oft-desired Wet n' Wild nail polish and syrupy bottles marked simply Cola. He wanted to know who the kids were. Really? Stay classy, hubs.

When I found myself in the aisle where the dollar preggo tests usually are (it's almost like I've done this before, I know!), they were all cleared out. Because I was determined not to be like Blossom Russo buying maxi pads for the first time, I decided to ask a stock clerk if they were all out of pee sticks. That required me to say aloud the words, "Are you all out of pregnancy tests?" Ugh. Hand me some orange Tic Tacs and call me Juno. I should mention the stock clerk was wearing a scraggly beard costume, basically from the neck up with some festive head-boppers. Exactly the kind of person who just knows where everything is.

She said, "Oh, they're at the front."

Which to me means they are behind lock and key and you need a front desk clerk to retrieve them.

So I ask the cashier if she can help me with pregnancy tests. She wanders over to a regular ol' shelf with all manner of impulse buys. Because you know sometimes you're just in line buying nail polish and you think, Oh, it'd be good if I pick up some lip balm if my lips get chapped and a pregnancy test or four in case I get knocked up. Love being spontaneous! Living dangerously in the Dollar Store!!!

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She hooked me up with three tests. One to try first, one just to be sure (because for the price of a dollar, science can only get you so far. If you want an insurance policy on whether or not one test will tell you whether you have a womb squatter or not, you have to pay the big bucks). I tossed in one extra so I wouldn't have to go through this ordeal again. Like, next month.

The front cashier was also in costume, wearing pink spangles from head to toe. She explained it was in support of her auntie who had passed away from cancer. So now she knew something about me and I knew something about her. The transaction was already taking place with no dollars even exchanged! Ah, poetry of life.

As she was bagging up my items another family was approaching the cashier so Pink Spangles said, super on the down-low, "Did you need anything else besides WHAT I HELPED YOU FIND?"

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Ummmm. I don't know what she wanted me to say. How about a can opener, and while you're at it, maybe some Botox and is this also the place where I can vote early and often?

Speaking of votes, the results of the pregnancy test were negative but the outlook is positive for keeping my supply of tests well-stocked.

All the pictures we did not take

We rented paddleboards on the Tennessee River this past weekend and there are no pictures to prove it. We took the kids and we met up with dear friends, but you won't see any selfies of our imperfect formation in the wake of a passing motorboat. We traded kids and played in eddies and explored McClellan Island. We balanced and wobbled, we fell in and then we dove in. But there is no hashtag #riverlife to accompany the nonexistent Instagram post. We didn't have our cameras. We didn't bring anything save for our sunglasses and our holiday spirits. Here in this digital space, The Blog or whatever is most en vogue to call it, I purport to preserve life's moments and lessons. But this all is a pantomime, a chasing after the wind with a plastic bag from Tarjay. I am merely a scribe pressing key to pad, uploading and downloading, but never truly etching anything of real permanence. Nothing is solidified in amber here. There is no fire to singe or moth to destroy this album. There is also no firewall strong enough nor anti-viral software to guarantee its immortality.

This past weekend, we smelled all the seasons of putrid sweat that our life preservers absorbed. And we tried to absorb the life that we could not preserve.

There was no perfect filter to best capture the glistening waves, the silhouette of the Market Street Bridge.

No likes, no faves, no hearts, no mentions; only the feeling of total insignificance against nature's majesty. And the wonder of having captured nothing but being filled up full of every good thing.