What Go Go Go Go Go Joseph has to do with me

When Baby Girl was almost two years-old, she was playing with the manger set at my mom's house. The characters were stuffed representations of Mary, Joseph, Wee Baby Jesus and the other usual suspects. Baby Girl kept playacting out scenes in the manger (shepherds giving piggyback rides to camels, wise men playing touch football with the frankincense) and she kept referring to Mary and Jo-puff. We could not stop repeating this. It's super fun to say and there's no cuter couple than Mary and Jo-puff.

I still refer to Jo-puff like this in my  head, but he is emerging as a more significant Bible character for me.

Jo-puff (Joseph to the uninitiated) and even if you've never read the story of Joseph, chances are you've seen the musical or heard the tune about his amazing techni-color cloak.  Joseph was born a favorite son of his father and then was sold off as a slave by jealous brothers. He eventually became a key cabinet member to the pharoah, was jailed but then freed. All the while, it is clear that in spite of his trials, God has important plans for Joseph. Joseph just needs to have faith.

Broken record much?

I know. And so the broken record spins on. He just had to have faith. It's another adage from the bucket of Hard Things that require So Much More more than just determination, but which people reduce to brief imperatives. Just say no to drugs. Get an 'A'. Ask her out. Get yours today.

Joseph's story always seemed very base to me. He wasn't the interesting oft-conflicted David, fighting his inner demons while seeking after God's own heart. He wasn't Jonah, playing hide-and-seek in a whale. He wasn't Noah with the  cruise ship zoo. He was Joseph with the flamboyant coat, and he ended up living with the king and having to forgive the same people over and over and over.  So I guess we're supposed to forgive people even if they don't like what we're wearing. Point taken. The end.

Joseph, oh hai.

Recently, I am identifying with my man Joseph, however. Maybe it's because I have been a bit of an ass lately. Maybe it's because I was just telling Loverpants that I've been fighting negativity like woah and am getting in my own way. I've been struggling to prioritize my priorities list. I keep having to ask forgiveness over and over and over and I feel restless and want to know what is the next step from here, because I can't be stuck here. Not in this place. Contentment and I are strange bedfellows, you feel me?

I think about the story of Joseph and the difference between Joseph and me is that he was always looking up and I've been looking down, and that has made all the difference, transcendentalists. Joseph knew and I know that God has His hand over us. Joseph knew like I know there's work we're called to do. But Joseph had a sense of purpose which formed his identity, and I've been looking to my identity to discern my purpose. Joseph looked up and trusted and knew there was a way out of this ditch in the field.

Hey, Joseph. I see you. I see you seeing God and in so doing, I see you seeing your mission impossible.

I want to see what he's seeing right now.

***

I just started the Restless Project because I have done a Jennie Allen Bible study before and it involved a lot of drawing pictures that appeal to my adult ADD. Also, restlessness is my specialty. If being restlessness were a full-time job, I'd be known as a workaholic and pulling in a mint every month. I thought this study might help. So far, it's been a huge blessing. Let me know if you're going to do it, too, and maybe we can do it together (even remotely?).

When your parenting map fails you

My place on the map shifted, and suddenly I was off the map. I was in parts unknown. I was not undiscoverable; I just needed another map that showed this new territory. The look in Baby Girl's eye, the tone in her voice had changed. I hadn't been here before, not with her. This was a new epoch in parenting her. She was six years-old now and asserting it. She resisted me now in a way that said, You aren't the only house on this street. I know there are other others and I've visited them. I've peeked into windows and seen how they do things differently. Compliance from her in this house was no longer guaranteed, she seemed to say.

I knew this shift in geography had been imminent for some time. An explorer does not come by her title by sitting on the couch, watching "Word Girl" and accepting that Captain Huggyface wraps it up neatly with a gorilla pantomime every time. She had questions, like, What will happen if I say no to this? and How far can this face of anguish take me? and What kind of consequences can I expect if I totally ignore directions here for as long as possible?

This is not a continental drift we are experiencing. Just a six year-old growing in complexity of character, which brings pain and elation and utter awe. As a parent, you see the face of the baby that you once held, whose dependence on you felt near-worshipful, and at the same time you see the face of the child whose independence is the merchandise you sent away for in a catalogue six years-ago, but when it finally arrived, it was packaged differently than expected. It was bigger and more overwhelming and more emotionally expensive than it had appeared in the picture.

Your child defies and you remember the prodigal son. How he returned and his father didn't have any questions for him. He just embraced his son. The difference is that the prodigal son was repentant and was open to the embrace.

When your children defy you, you also see the face of the child you once were, defiant because the whole world is unfair, and everything is awful and not your fault and totally ruined.

You stand with your child and you stand with the child you were. Then you realize that you can be, despite what geography tells you, in two places at once.

Build-a-Birthday Memory

We did something we've never done before for Baby Girl's Birthday. We gave her present away. We share this not to spotlight our good deeds. We share because we didn't know before talking with some awesome folks at T.C. Thompson Hospital that something like this was possible.

If you have ever felt stuck between a rock and your child wanting desperately for ONE MORE stuffed animal to populate your already overpopulated stuffed animal capital, we share the following experience with you.

Music by The Otto Brothers