Interrogative?

How is it November, the second to last month of the year of our Lord two thousand and eight? How is it almost time to put together our tax documents, and where was it that I worked formerly, for a paycheck and what is that again? A paycheck? Who's president? Is it that black guy that the media has already presumed is in office? What's fashionable these days? Is it okay for me to still wear tights under dress type sweater things? Or is that out like Lindsay Lohan (in more ways than one)? What do you feed a nine month old that only likes pasta? Can you hide stuff in pasta? Like a brick of tofu? Can you do that? Should I join a gym? Isn't it kind of Americonsumerist to be a gym member when running and sweating are free? What's Zumba? Do you need a special uniform to zumbarize? Is there going to be a longitudinal study some day of women who suffer from pernicious kidney stones and bad skin because of overexposure to Zumba? Do you have your holiday shopping done? Where can I get free shipping? In this economy, is everyone staying home to make Holly Hobbie homemade goodies as gifts? Or will I be the only one giving canned mustard as a gift, as if it should be a prelude, stocking stuffer, but really it's the whole gift that took me 46 hours to make after breaking half the jars? Am I the last one to read Three Cups of Tea? When will I not be the last person to read/see things? Should we have more children? What if my uterus explodes if I try for VBAC next time? Oh, going back to the economy and gift giving, where can I earn some fast cash? Does the Tooth Fairy leave bigger bucks for wisdom teeth? How's the tin can collecting business? Did I remember my Nana's birthday? Is she on facebook? Do you tip the postal worker? How much? Have I shared how happy (gushingly) I am to be a mother? Did you know Baby Girl can pull self to standing AND gives gratuitous sloppy baby kisses with suction on the cheek? Did you know that my husband tells me before I go to sleep that I have to put away the Dirty Dozen, aka all of the questions I have in my head that I am powerless to answer at 11p.m.? Does he know that I only wish it were a dozen? ***

Did you know it was in vain that I tried to tape up pictures of other babies for Baby Girl to talk to (in her lonely only child state)?

Did you know that rock-a-bye-baby is even more entertaining the older baby gets?

Did you know that a Reese's chased down with a Diet Coke tabulates a calorie count of zero?

Did you know that my heart is pure goo when Daddy gets home?

A Moment of Vanity

A moment of vanity to start the week. And a moment of gratefulness, too. I have a vast catalogue of pictures. Shoeboxes full of ones I took with my 35mm film cam, poorly composed photos in our dimly lit family room, high school dance photos where I could sharpen a pencil with my bony elbow, messy college photos of bygone debauchery, and eleventy million of my husband, my daughter, and increasingly fewer of me.

Which is why I treasure this photo. It is one of my favorite photos of myself. If pictures tell a thousand words, this photo exceeds its word count.

I am 24. I am working 2 jobs, I have 2 roommates, I am getting married in 2 months. Which is why my church friends, the most faithful of the friends I have met in Boston, are throwing me a surprise bridal shower. I am never surprised. Surprises elude me. At this time in my life, I find most people transparent, most experiences in life a let-down, and nothing really surprises me. I have been rejected from all of the top law schools to which I applied, I have no sense of joy about my upcoming wedding (only stress and disillusionment). I am going through the motions of a confused twentysomething and trying to understand why all of my life's decisions are needing to be made NOW and why they are all hinging on ME.

And then my girlfriends throw me in a salad spinner, rinse me off, pump me up, and whirl me around. I knock on Eunis' apartment door and there is laughter from within. "Here's your notebook back, Eunis. Sorry to interrupt you -- I'll let you go---OH! OHHHH!" I have never been so surprised in such a joyful way. By such joyful friends. It has been a long winter and I am finally feeling the thaw. Lovey Loverpants is there, and I cannot stop hugging him for helping to pull this off. I cannot wait to get married. I am thrilled, blessed, and surprised to experience this combination of feelings all at once, at age 24.

Your turn....

Content/Complacent

What is the difference between contentment and complacency? Where does content end and blur into complacent? Am I generally content, or am I deceiving myself and if you listen closely to all of my pep talks, you'll hear the sound of a silly woman who is just complacent?

Hard business this conte-mplacent...

I want to be content with what I have, I don't want to be complacent with what I do with what I have. In theory. But take our car. Beloved Green Bus. I love this car. I love to drive it, sitting up high, stomping through the puddles that the byzantine drainage system in this city leaves in the wake of rain. I love that it's old, a gift from my in-laws, and that I know where each scratch derives.

But I dream of new wheels, what will be our next car, like we're riding this continuum of vehicular ownership, one to which we're entitled. So I'm really not content, am I? I'm embarrassed by the damage Loverpants did to both sides of it. I am embarrassed that this damage was never properly fixed or even an attempt made to paint over it, which is evidence of my own complacency, my own resortings to "That's just how it's going to be."

I've been so blessed in this life, way way beyond any measure of deserving, and yet, I have a strong faith in something better. A place of flourish and blessing so much more profoundly amazing than this world can hope to offer. Which is why I don't want to stay content or complacent. I want to be faithful in what I believe and hopeful for what is to come. Where a perfect contentment might be known. Where no one is complacent, for they live as angels.

***

But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: why God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he has prepared for them a city. ~ Hebrews 11:16