What I want to remember about Christmas 2013

- Seeing Frozen with the Stanwicks and my babies.- Taking many walks out in the legit MidWestern cold - Cousin Sean with hilarious running commentary about Settlers of Catan - Cousins Colleen, Kathleen and Maureen waxing humorous re: Buzzfeed - Mom running a beauty spa with Baby Girl - The old man "making it rain" per Connor - Goobs and the iPad book - Umma letting me sleep until obscene hours - Apa being persuaded that he would be able to sell his house for a million dollars if he adopted a digital thermometer - Joe keeping the kiddies entertained from the trunk - Winter hike even though my kiddies were wearing the worst whineypants

- Little Man's new "funny face." - Yoga at Inner Bliss; Tammy telling everyone, "I bet you are all thinking Santa's not going to bring you anything," and me feeling confident about the opposite.

How to Get your Boots Reheeled for the Holidays: 20 Easy Steps!

Step 1: Realize you are spending part of holidays in frozen tundra that is the Great Lakes region of United States. Step 2: Realize only suitable pair of footwear you own for holidays in North (that are not your puffy Keens which also double as spaceboots) are  pair of black heeled knee-highs, the heels of which are caked in mud and worn down to metal studs.

Step 3: Accept fact that must brave Sixth Ring of Dante's Inferno, aka The Mall A Week Before Christmas in order to drop off boots at cobbler.

Step 4: Tote Youngest Child to Mall Hell a Week Before Christmas where every temptation and glittering toy is on his eye-level display for greedily grubbily desiring.

Step 5: Concede as never have before in history to renting one of those Mall Carriages with the Car in Front for low low price of $5 for 25 minutes in order to pacify youngest child and not lose in crowd that is Mall Hall a Week before Christmas.

Step 5: Graciously deposit dilapidated boots with Korean cobbler. Speak in only known Korean pleasantries.

Step 6: Realize must return to Mall Hell the next day (T=6 days until Christmas) .

Step 7: Make beeline to Barnes and Noble while child still pacified by Most Expensive Plastic Car Rental in History.

Step 8: Read half a book in Barnes and Noble to younger child until realize only have 20 minutes to pick up older child from school.

Step 9: Drive like dickens back to return Plastic Car, trying not to contract hepatitis, scurvy, other communicable diseases from rental that smells and feels of partially hydrogenated oils fermenting on handlebars since 1994.

Step 10: Watch as child begs to be let out of Plastic Car like it is the Guantanamo Bay of child transportation vehicles.

Step 11: Return plastic rental.

Step 12: Return to Mall Hell next day to pick up boots, this time saddled with both children.

Step 13: Forewarn children this is a very brief one-errand trip that will not, by any means, include a stop at any play structure.

Step 14: Enter Sears; note reaction of children as though have just entered whimsically wonderland palace of wintry enchantment. oooohhhh ahhhhhh!

Step 15: Claim boots which are perfectly rehabilitated to former heeled age of innocence.

Step 16: Proceed to Mall Hall exit. Refuse to cave to indoor play structure's temptation. Note younger child pulling at seat of pants.

Step 17: Assume wrongly that a restroom can be found en route to exit.

Step 18: Find escalator to floor 1, find restroom. Cheat death by allowing youngest child to wear Crocs on escalator.

Step 19: Blink and suddenly younger child has managed not to pull down pants fully as seated on comode; gamely soaks underwear and pants with urine.

Step 20: Take escalator to second floor, pronounce fact that have both children, purse, and newly heeled boots a Christmas miracle.

A novel departure from the script

Here at Kendraspondence, we know you rely on us as your trusted source for the latest information on fracking, Fantasy Football picks of the week, and vaccinating your children. But just for this once, we are going to depart from script and go totally rogue. That's right! We're going to showcase a few of the things that Kendra has been bedazzling. We know what you're thinking! That can't be! Kendra has final exams to prepare and grade. She's got holiday open houses to host. Au contrair, dear readers, for herein we explore the fruits of her distraction and procrastination.... There have been mantles to festoon.

The gumdrops were all Loverpants and the kids.

There have been bald, brassy lamps to buy at Goodwill for $3...

...which are delightful to paint and offer a proper hat.

There were salt scrubs to make for my teaching assistants, who deserve so much more than an upcycled mason jar filled with natural goodness, but don't we all, really....

I've been persuading my young'ns that getting clean is not just as much fun as Saturday Night Fever, it practically IS a disco.

Even Loverpants has been getting crafty. The man was so fastidious in preparing the layers to our haystacks-in-a-cup that he has it DOWN, young. Down to an artform.

I also tried these cookies as I had all the ingredients on hand, but these little puppies were so amazing, because parchment paper because chocolate and peanut butter because try them.

This was also one cigarette lighter short of a a MacGuyver innovation. We didn't have any receptacle for displaying classy Coke bottles and also keeping them on ice at our holiday open house, so I busted open a hatbox and threw a plastic bag in it. Done and done.

The students we adopted from our church were wanting to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. With Coke.

Happy Holidays, you. Drink Coke and be merry. This post was not in any way sponsored by Coca-Cola, though it should have been.