Virgin Campout

We took our maiden voyage as a family into the great wilderness of the Chilhowee campground with our churchies. Times in a tent were had. Most of them were exhausting. Loverpants spent most of the time feeling under the weather and packing and cooking food over a Charlie Brown -esque stovetop. I spent most of the time telling Little Man to stop showing the other campground inhabitants the full moon before dark (oy). Baby Girl spent most of the time having an absolute ball, and her infectious sense of adventure and frivolity made it all feel so worth the effort. I don't know why it took us six years to camp as a family, but I'm so glad we finally did. Seeing my kids in a whole new environment, outside the comforts of PBSKids on Demand, a pantry full of snacks, and fluffy beds was revealing. I learned a lot. Like how my children have evolved to not need me so much. They can explore and return; they can make new friends and come back to me for snuggles. The helicopter propellers will still spin phdumb phdumb phdumb but the aircraft doesn't have to hover so close. It felt good to be able to sit and read a book. It felt better to still look around and see my favorite 3 people all under one nylon canopy, asleep against the din of a whippoorwill during mating season. I am so tired from the weekend and I can't wait until the next time we get to sleep under the stars. I'm pretty sure we can count on a full moon either way.

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Tent

On the way to the campground, Baby Girl went reeling out to the car with a huge backpack.

Loverpants: What's in there? Baby Girl: You'll find out! Loverpants: I don't want to find out!

We later found out. No one else had packed pillows but the stuffed pig had his own. No Girl Scout badges were earned for that one.

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What I want to remember about Christmas 2013

- Seeing Frozen with the Stanwicks and my babies.- Taking many walks out in the legit MidWestern cold - Cousin Sean with hilarious running commentary about Settlers of Catan - Cousins Colleen, Kathleen and Maureen waxing humorous re: Buzzfeed - Mom running a beauty spa with Baby Girl - The old man "making it rain" per Connor - Goobs and the iPad book - Umma letting me sleep until obscene hours - Apa being persuaded that he would be able to sell his house for a million dollars if he adopted a digital thermometer - Joe keeping the kiddies entertained from the trunk - Winter hike even though my kiddies were wearing the worst whineypants

- Little Man's new "funny face." - Yoga at Inner Bliss; Tammy telling everyone, "I bet you are all thinking Santa's not going to bring you anything," and me feeling confident about the opposite.

How to Get your Boots Reheeled for the Holidays: 20 Easy Steps!

Step 1: Realize you are spending part of holidays in frozen tundra that is the Great Lakes region of United States. Step 2: Realize only suitable pair of footwear you own for holidays in North (that are not your puffy Keens which also double as spaceboots) are  pair of black heeled knee-highs, the heels of which are caked in mud and worn down to metal studs.

Step 3: Accept fact that must brave Sixth Ring of Dante's Inferno, aka The Mall A Week Before Christmas in order to drop off boots at cobbler.

Step 4: Tote Youngest Child to Mall Hell a Week Before Christmas where every temptation and glittering toy is on his eye-level display for greedily grubbily desiring.

Step 5: Concede as never have before in history to renting one of those Mall Carriages with the Car in Front for low low price of $5 for 25 minutes in order to pacify youngest child and not lose in crowd that is Mall Hall a Week before Christmas.

Step 5: Graciously deposit dilapidated boots with Korean cobbler. Speak in only known Korean pleasantries.

Step 6: Realize must return to Mall Hell the next day (T=6 days until Christmas) .

Step 7: Make beeline to Barnes and Noble while child still pacified by Most Expensive Plastic Car Rental in History.

Step 8: Read half a book in Barnes and Noble to younger child until realize only have 20 minutes to pick up older child from school.

Step 9: Drive like dickens back to return Plastic Car, trying not to contract hepatitis, scurvy, other communicable diseases from rental that smells and feels of partially hydrogenated oils fermenting on handlebars since 1994.

Step 10: Watch as child begs to be let out of Plastic Car like it is the Guantanamo Bay of child transportation vehicles.

Step 11: Return plastic rental.

Step 12: Return to Mall Hell next day to pick up boots, this time saddled with both children.

Step 13: Forewarn children this is a very brief one-errand trip that will not, by any means, include a stop at any play structure.

Step 14: Enter Sears; note reaction of children as though have just entered whimsically wonderland palace of wintry enchantment. oooohhhh ahhhhhh!

Step 15: Claim boots which are perfectly rehabilitated to former heeled age of innocence.

Step 16: Proceed to Mall Hall exit. Refuse to cave to indoor play structure's temptation. Note younger child pulling at seat of pants.

Step 17: Assume wrongly that a restroom can be found en route to exit.

Step 18: Find escalator to floor 1, find restroom. Cheat death by allowing youngest child to wear Crocs on escalator.

Step 19: Blink and suddenly younger child has managed not to pull down pants fully as seated on comode; gamely soaks underwear and pants with urine.

Step 20: Take escalator to second floor, pronounce fact that have both children, purse, and newly heeled boots a Christmas miracle.