Now Sadness

Dear UCLA Student,

I viewed your video last evening and have been stewing over it ever since. I felt tremendous anger for a solid 20 hours. And then my anger elided into sadness.

I feel sad for you. I feel sad that you can categorically dismiss a whole race of people based on your non-encounters living alongside these people in an apartment building and studying alongside them in a library. If you had invested in getting to know some of your neighbors and colleagues, perhaps you would not have such a generally ill impression of them, or expect they all spoke loudly in one continental language, or had no sense of fending for themselves. Perhaps you would discover some of their values are distinct from your own, just as they might also be surprised that not all Caucasians are inclined to chastise a whole race of people via internet video.

I feel sadness that your perception of "American" does not include immigrants, which I assume your ancestors once were. I am sad that you seem to think you have ownership over a public university, such that anyone who ventures overseas to live and subsequently attend your university should be taught to adapt to a code of so-called "American manners." I have yet to read a textbook or manual on American manners so I, an American citizen, am sad that I am also unclear as to what American manners entail.

I am sad for my American-born children, whose ancestry includes Scottish, Irish, Italian, and South Korean, who will likely have to contend with similar snubs against Asians, to which they will neither relate nor understand since their experience has been shaped by two parents who love each other and work every day to understand the rich heritages that have informed their characters.

I am glad that you likely have never had to experience the heartache of not knowing whether your loved ones - separated by an ocean and time zone differences - are safe or worse, unaccounted for in the wake of a natural disaster. But I am sad for those who do and it makes me sad that you probably have not meditated on how your blithe words might affect some in this predicament.

I should probably not dignify your ignorant rant with a response but I am hoping by doing so, the weight of my feelings toward your diatribe would be lifted.

Yours very sincerely, Kendra Stanton Lee

Meme for a Fridee

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:30a with the sucktopus 2. How do you like your steak? Not on my plate, for am pescatarian.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Cinema. Yes. The place where you pay to watch a moving picture show, right. I believe the last one I saw was "Toy Story 3" which a little lady did much protest and we cut out half-way through.

4. What is your favorite TV show? One of my favorite shows of all time is "The Wonder Years." I find a special kinship with people who share the love of Winnie, Paul, Kevin. And let's not forget Becky Slater.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? In a cozy home decorated in mainly orange and pink hues, with some kind of direct access to a body of water, e.g. beachfront or lakeside.

6. What did you have for breakfast? The granola, the banana, the coffee.

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Mexican for the entrees, Italian for the desserts.

8. What foods do you dislike? The smell of barbecue sauce is nauseous for me.

9. Favorite Eateria? I value the cozy and leisurely factors when it comes to restaurants. Ten Tables in Jamaica Plain, MA really captures this, as does Masa in the South End.

10. Favorite dressing? Ranch!

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? The Green Bus is a '99 Honda CR-V, and aside from being a rusty old girl, she drives like a dreamsicle even at 201,000 miles.

12. What are your favorite clothes? I am huge into accessories, primarily: capes, hats, stockings, and scarves.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Melbourne, AU where my bestest friend lives with her hubalove whom I've yet to meet. Even writing that makes me cry on the inside.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? I think many people mistake me for an optimist, but I am very self-preserving and always aim low and expect to be disappointed so that if I am not, I am pleasantly surprised.

15. Where would you want to retire? I really doubt I'll shelf myself like that. If Loverpants wants to retire, I suspect we'll go wherever he wants as long as I can still teach and write somewhere close by. I just don't see us shuffleboarding much, n'ah mean?

16. Favorite time of day? I really appreciate all times of the day, though am most productive between 1-5 p.m.

17. Where were you born? Cleveland, OH!

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Any with Loverpants. He is a very fun sport spectating companion.

19. Bird watcher? Birds are odd creatures. I try not to watch them.

20. Are you a morning person or a night person? Both, though I agree with the statement "Hell is other people at breakfast." I prefer not to talk before, like, 10 a.m.

21. Do you have any pets? I have a small colony of dust bunnies under my bed.

22. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share? I am getting good at selling things on e-bay? Excitement.

23. What is your favorite childhood memory? I have the fondest of memories of my grandparents spoiling me with love. I have known 3 of my 4 biological grandparents and consider myself fortunate indeed.

24. Always wear your seat belt? Fo sho.

25. Been in a car accident? Mercifully, no.

26. Any pet peeves? Most have to do with grammar and usage. Poor etiquette as cellphone usage is concerned--that's another one.

27. Favorite pizza toppings? Shrooms, carmelized onions.

28. Favorite Flower? Gerbera daisy!

29. Favorite ice cream? I like my ice cream with interruptions.

30. Favorite fast food restaurant? Yogurtland/Red Mango!

31. How many times did you fail your driver’s test? Zero!

32. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Paper Source

33. Do anything spontaneous lately? Exhibit A:

34. Broccoli? Had some in my omelette for dinner the other evening. My baby girl loves broccoli, as well. Chomps it like it's a pack of Smarties.

35. What was your favorite vacation? I do love to travel. Any vacation that involves nature in a big way is my favorite.

36. Last person you went out to dinner with? My old man, my stepmom, Loverpants, Baby Girl and Little Man at Red Sauce in North Adams, MA

37. What are you listening to right now? Bethany Dillon Automix on Napster

38. What is your favorite color? Love all colors, prefer many at once {whatever that means}.

39. How many tattoos do you have? How many do you think I have? ;)

40. Celeb you're told you resemble? I get Juno quite a bit. Also, Rory Gilmore.

Waiting on Love

I can still tell you where she sat in homeroom, the exact seat in the exact row of Rm. 110. There you could find her, her heart sunken into the deepest recesses of her acidic stomach, waiting to see if the annual delivery of flowers from The Boy's Schools would net her a wrinkled carnation.

It would not. Which she had known all along. She would not boast a flower or a bouquet like the other bouquet-hoarding betties who would tote theirs for the rest of the day to class. Some with the pristine white box, tied with a red ribbon, "It was TOO BIG to fit into my locker!" Such a problem to have.

Nevermind the boy that she was seeing. What a loaded verb in the present perfect that is in high school. Seeing. Later she would see how he would take her co-worker from Dairy Queen to the prom. She would see how it was.

***

I used to identify with this girl, this girl of my 17 years, waiting...waiting...like the soreheart being assured in "Love Will Come to You" by the Indigo Girls. I used to be able to conjure up the visceral Valentine's Day of high school, feeling that acidic heart-stomach organ pumping hard for the want of a flower from a boy.

And it's not that I no longer remember what it was like now that I have a Valentine plucked from the top shelf. It's just that I choose to step out of history so that I am never the tarrying girl again.

***

I want to tell that girl in waiting that love will come, but in the meantime, you must STOP so you can start. Stop waiting to be loved. And start living, actually living in the light of love.

I wish so much that I had done something that day other than tarry. I wish I had baked some brownies for the school janitor or filled a cranky teacher's mailbox with popcorn or sent a college student a care package full of Garbage Pail Kids cards and gummi bears.

*** I think the experience of waiting must be so different for high school students now. There is probably an app for it. There are probably preemptive texts and Facebook tips leading up the Valetine's Day. "I sent you a flower." I don't know that I would trade realities, especially since the outcome would likely be no different. I only want to train my children to be busy with living and loving; it's so much better than sitting in the waiting room.

***