20 Fascinating Facts About My Life as a Mother

1.) I have a Dora the Explorer toothbrush. It is not one that I bought thinking that Baby Girl would use it. I bought it for myself. 2.) I am big into reading books to kids and a huge victory for me is seeing my child sitting for long whiles "reading" her picture books.

3.) I do not feel even one iota of relief when I drop my daughter off at daycare. It has been 3 weeks and I am still weighted with guilt, plagued with fear, and it is all I can do not to keep myself from rushing back in I'LL SAVE YOU, BABY GIRL!!! COME TEACH ENGLISH COMP WITH ME!!!

4.) I do find myself reacting to certain of Baby Girl's behaviors in the same way my mother reacted to mine. It is frightening, but inevitable I feel.

5.) When I put my daughter in "The Naughty Spot" which is the bottom step of a staircase in the hallway, I tell her sternly why she is sitting there. She thinks the whole concept and particularly my face and tone of voice are absolutely hilarious.

6.) I have grown to like Tubby Time. It used to be punishment, but my mother-in-law caused Baby Girl to appreciate her tubbies, and I cannot thank her enough. My child is not only happier, but cleaner, too.

7.) I don't mind changing diapers, getting up in the middle of the night, quieting Baby Girl in public, or countermanding tantrums. What I really do not like, though, is putting her to bed. She is a talented stall artist and I have no patience for it. On the nights when my husband works, I am mock-praying for Nanny 9-1-1 to come and take over.

8.) I became a less obsessive person as a mother. I think one has no choice. You can either choose to think about whether or not the girl at the gym was sneering at you because your yoga pants were circa 1992 or if she thinks you didn't wipe down the treadmill after your work-out YOU TOTALLY DID, or you can go about your work-out because it is the most important 45 minutes of of your day.

9.) I make popcorn on the stove for dinner probably 5-6 nights/month. Sometimes it's the only thing I have my wits about me to make after I put the Stall Artist to bed. I used to think it was sad, but now I think I like popcorn dinner.

10.) When I see extremely obese children that I presume are under the age of 6 or 7, my blood begins to boil and I think wildly about prosecuting the parents for child abuse. I understand why it happens, but it absolutely incenses me.

11.) Thoughts of adoption frequently gnaw at me.

12.) My kid occasionally eats candy. She can find and unwrap a Reese cup in a way that amazes.

13.) The best material gift my husband gave me as a mother is the toddler seat for my bike. It has been one of the most liberating and fun new toys ever, a gift that keeps on giving.

14.) I totally have a mom booty now and I try not to think about it or else I get depressed.

15.) I feel that becoming a mother has leveled the playing field with my husband a bit. Not that we compete against one another, but I think he respects my authority in the home more now and I can appreciate the success he has had in his career without feeling envious.

16.) I am not a gear parent. I am not into acquiring gear, toys, clothes, etc. I find it burdensome and overwhelming.

17.) I would like 4 children as long as they would be guaranteed to believe their mother is perfect and potty train themselves. Since those are not guarantees, I think 2 is more likely.

18.) I hope to live internationally when my children are school-aged.

19.) I believe the call of Proverbs to train up a child in the way that he should go so that he may not depart from it later in life. But again, I want a guarantee that all those sabbath school classes are going to make an imprint!! This is a huge struggle for my faith.

20.) Standing over my daughter's crib at night when she is sleeping is one of the most profoundly awe-inspiring experiences that I cannot believe I get to behold it every day. I imagine it is like owning oceanfront property or being married to a massage therapist. The benefits of proximity are just mind-blowing, and one feels unspeakably fortunate to be able to experience this blessing every single day.