Church Portraits

Well over a month ago, I signed up the FamiLee for our church directory portraits. You know how I love to appear to have it all together, so, yes, of course I was piddling on the church website and snapping up our timeslot, conveniently right after pick-up from Baby Girl's school. Now, hold up. I know what you are thinking. But, Kendra? Church portraits!? Aren't those for people who wear t-shirts with faded pastel fish designs and their jeans hiked up to their armpits? And to that I would say, No. No, you are wrong. That ensemble is much too casual for a church portrait. You would need some manner of floor-sweeping denim skirt paired with a lacey blouse and a handstitched vest festooned with some kind of autumn-themed applique. Now that is the fashion forecast for the church portrait.

But anyway, I cracked the whip on the boys and had them both in their bowtie best by the time we got Baby Girl from School. Then I toted Baby Girl's change of clothes for the picture like a total stage mom and we arrived on time because this was less about taking pictures and more about testing my ability to orchestrate this church portrait thing. All the church ninny helper people were being friendly and lovely, fawning over the kids and making pleasantries, and clearly my blood sugar was low because UGH LEEEEMEEE ALONE WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS CHURCH PORTRAIT ANYWAY???

We got into the photo taking chambers and Baby Girl was already staging her boycott of the event. Little Man and Loverpants got a few boys-only shots to warm up the camera. Then we attempted a family foursome and Baby Girl refused to show her face to the camera, like...Who are you? Johnny Depp? Don't care to comment, Vanity Fair? I then chastised Baby Girl for ruining everything and if you know me you know that I'm not a fan of the spanking to discipline but oh did I threaten her today. And for what? For thinking that it's way lame to have to sit pretty for a church portrait after you've just spent the whole day in school taking turns and trying not to pull a nutty when you only get one graham cracker even though everyone else got two? You can't get behind that?

As we were leaving, I told Loverpants that I needed to sort this out with Baby Girl and he told me that this didn't have to be a "you and her" thing. Of course the good counselor was right.

Over the past two days, I've heard those famous verses from Proverbs 3 twice. God's been knocking on my door and then He's been leaving me voicemails just to follow up.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

Did you catch that? Lean not. On your OWN understanding. Don't rely upon your own understanding of what's important to support you. Don't expect that your child better behave for something that is more about your own agenda than about God's.

Yup. Noted. Thanks, God.

I asked Loverpants if we could just forget the whole church portrait ever happened and he said, No, it was funny. It's a good story to tell.

Plus, I prefer my kids in their own habitat for portrait-making anyway.